


The Promise

by ideserveyou



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-19
Updated: 2010-08-19
Packaged: 2017-10-11 03:58:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideserveyou/pseuds/ideserveyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Kai discuss the future</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Promise

'Arthur?'  
'Mmm?'  
'Will you still love me when I'm old?'

They are lying together on the short smooth turf of the riverbank, letting the sun dry them after a brisk swim.

'Old and toothless and terrible?' Arthur grins. 'Of course. Even when all your hair has fallen out -' he runs a blond strand lovingly between his fingers '-and your eyes are dim, and you can't lift an axe in anger any more... you'll still be my Kai of the faithful heart, still beautiful to me, and I'll still love you. You know I will.'

Kai shifts his head into a more comfortable position on Arthur's chest, and heaves a sigh. Arthur can tell that something is bothering him. He reaches for Kai's hand, links their fingers together.  
'Why do you ask?'

But he already knows, even before Kai can bring himself to speak of it. He saw how Llud took his brother on one side this morning for an earnest discussion, and Llud has been reminding Arthur himself of this same issue lately. Their foster-father is right, and Arthur knows he is, but all the same it makes him angry to see Kai so unhappy. It's not time yet. They're not ready. His grip tightens.  
Kai draws another deep breath and forces himself to ask the question that's been torturing him.

'And how will it be when you're married?'

'It will still be the same.' Arthur speaks firmly, but he knows he's not convincing Kai. He isn't even convincing himself.   
'You will still feel the same, and so will I.' Kai chokes back the tears. 'But we won't be able to - even to be together like this -'  
'Maybe sometimes...' Arthur's voice trails off. He can feel Kai trembling; he is clinging to Arthur's hand as though it is the only thing keeping him from plunging over the edge of the world and being swept away into darkness forever.  
'No. Never. You will be making marriage vows, giving your word to be faithful. Arthur keeps his word; I would not have you forsworn on my account. But it will be hard to bear... for both of us.'  
'My body may be sworn to someone else, but my heart will still be yours.' Arthur holds Kai close, breathes in the fragrance of his hair. 'And no, I don't know how we're going to bear it. But bear it we must.'  
He raises himself on one elbow and looks Kai squarely in the face.

'Kai, you and I both know that time will have to come, and soon now. We don't have forever. I would promise you forever if I could. Were I free to choose my own course, I'd ride off into the forest with nothing but a horse, a weapon and a blanket... and you. We'd find somewhere we could be together, make a living somehow, love each other, and it would be enough. But I'm not free; I am the leader of my people. That is what I was born to do. I am obliged to take a wife, have a son to lead my people after me. I cannot change or put aside that obligation, no matter how much I might wish to -'

He can't go on. Speaking about it has suddenly made it real, and the prospect of future days with a wife, and of nights without Kai, terrifies him.

'I'd never ask you to.' Kai draws Arthur's head down onto his shoulder; the big hands on Arthur's back are very gentle. He knows that however hard this will be for him, it will be ten times harder for his leader, with both a family and a position to maintain despite a breaking heart. He can't make the coming loss any easier for himself, but perhaps he can make it a little easier for Arthur.

'Arthur, you have given me my heart's desire over and again these past two years. Even if you were to be married tomorrow and we'd only had one day together - I for one would rather spend a lifetime regretting something that was real, and mine, if only for a short time, than a lifetime grieving for something that might have been, but never was.'

'It's not enough.' Arthur is weeping openly now. 'It can never be enough - you deserve so much more -'  
'I can make it enough.' Kai speaks with a certainty he is far from feeling, but he wants to give Arthur what comfort he can. 'I spent years making a very little of Arthur go a very long way, and I'll do so again when I have to. I treasure every word you've spoken to me. Every breath and every heartbeat and every moment we spend together. And I always will. Just so long as you don't send me away -'  
'No, never.' Arthur's voice cracks.

'Then it is enough,' Kai says. 'I will stay here in the village and serve you as your right-hand man, your friend, and your brother. And if you really will still love me when I'm old...'  
Arthur nods. His tears are hot on Kai's bare shoulder.

'Then I will make you a promise. That one spring morning, when your hair is white and you can no longer wield your sword, when your wife is gone and you've mourned her, and your son rules in your stead and your grandson sleeps at his mother's breast, you will find an old and toothless and terrible warrior at your door with a horse, an axe he can barely lift off the ground, and a blanket, and he will ask you to ride with him into the forest, to find a place where you can be together for what little time may be left you. He will ask you only once, and he will accept your answer whatever it may be -'

Arthur is silent for a few moments while he masters himself. Then he lifts his head and looks deep into Kai's dark eyes. 'Kai, I can tell you now what my answer will be. We may have to wait twenty winters, or perhaps more, and it will be hard... but I promise you that when that spring morning comes, I will go with you.'


End file.
